This morning I got what I wished for. A sleep in. In fact when I awoke the house was quiet, empty....barren
While on Mothers Day I am eternally grateful I am a Mother. I am more of a Mother than many know. I have born one Son. A beautify healthy full of life (and attitude) son. He is the centre of my life. He is my motivation to get out of bed every day. I work to provide him a lifestyle I would never have dreamed of as a child. And while I am very grateful I have him, there are four others I have lost.
I remember my four sleeping Angels on Mothers day. For me Mothers day is a day of remembrance and mourning. It is a day I find hard to 'celebrate' I paste on a smile, take my own Mother to lunch accept all the benign well wishes from those oblivious and carry on... as so many women do.
On Mothers day I remember my Angels born sleeping, My friends who have endured this same palpable loss and I pray that my child will never know this depth of loss.
I wish for all the 'innocents' out there that they remain so. That they experience the wonder of an innocent pregnancy never fearing or doubting a 'successful' outcome. That they never have to live with the daily anxiety that comes with pregnancy wondering when the inevitble loss will occur. Never having to deal with the fact they have born a live child and wondered, 'How the fuck did that happen?' and then have to figure out how bond with a child they never expected to arrive because for the duration of pregnancy you prepare yourself to deal with another expected loss.
Mothers day is a double whammy for me, and it may also be the same for someone you know.
I envy your innocence. I'm jealous of your trust in life. Do not judge me for spoiling my child. He is the only child I will have.
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